A Warning Concerning My Thoughts On What You Might Be About To Read

BY READING THIS YOU GIVE YOUR SOLOMN OATH TO NEVER BITCH, MOAN, OR COMPLAIN ABOUT THE CONTENT OR OTHER THINGS CONCERNING MY WRITINGS. YOU SHALL NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES ASK ME ANY QUESTIONS AND YOU SHALL NOT CLAIM TO KNOW BETTER THAN ME, BECAUSE YOU DON'T!

FAILURE TO UPHOLD THIS OATH WILL RESULT IN AN ETERNITY IN A DEEP, DARK HELL FILLED WITH NAKED BISHIES WHO WILL WHIP YOU INCESSENTLY. ALTHOUGH THAT IN ITSELF MAY SOUND APPETIZING, THESE BISHIES SHALL NOT BE INTERESTED IN YOU BEYOND THE WHIPPING, AND WILL SPEND THEIR DAYS EXPLORING THE PLEASURES OF THE FLESH AMONGST THEMSELVES WHILE YOU BITCH, MOAN AND GROAN ABOUT BEING NEGLECTED. AT SOME POINT YOU MAY BEGIN TO BEG, BUT THEY WILL NOT GIVE A DAMN, AND WILL CONTINUE ENJOYING THEMSELVES TO THE EXTREME. YOUR NEED FOR FOOD AND DRINK AND THE SUPPLE BODIES OF THE NAKED BISHIES PRANCING AROUND YOU WILL FLAY AT YOUR SOUL UNTIL THE VERY AIR YOU BREATHE WILL SEEM TO BE MADE OF DUST AND YOUR SKIN WILL BEGIN TO DECAY. THE DAY AFTER YOUR BRAIN ROTS, YOU WILL BE RELEASED TO WANDER, HALF-DEAD, AMONG THE BROKEN AND BLACKENED SKELETONS IN HELL, A LIVING TESTAMENT TO WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER ANNOY ME.

BECAUSE I AM CRUEL AND THE DEVIL IS ON MY SIDE

literary soul calibur

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Phoebe VS. Holden~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Victory by KO or TKO
STARTO!

Phobe-
Extremely organized little girl, that steals her brothers room and tries to be older than she is (cough * phoney *cough) by writing at her brothers mad man desk. Said to be an angel and that she is likable by Holden.

Holden-
Spoiled teen. Tries to date little children with the clever ploy "want some hot chocolate?" Appearently likes Phoebe, even says she looks good when she's asleep (creeper talk, there).

Pitiful point of Phoebe-
Rejects Holden after she finds out he got kicked out of school...again. Forshadowing? HMMMMM....MAYBE!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WINNER
ME
I'M JUST THAT AWESOME

kill myslf kill myself kill myself kill myself kill myself kill myself kill myself kill myself kill myself

After reading this god (or gods depending on your god forsaken view) forsaken book, I have come to the conclusion that either the author is a lazy, dumb @$$, or that Holden is about as sharp as a toilet seat.
The phrase Holden says again and again and again and again AND AGAIN is "that just kills me". Now I'm fine with him saying that so long as he mixes some other phrases in there like "that's a real rib tickler" or "haha" or even "his wit was comparable to the blind monkey that writes the fortunes on the fortune cookies."
But if he keeps saying "that just kills me" I am prepared to take drastic actions...After contemplating the improbable circumstances of all possible outcomes I've decided to buy myself a DeLorean and trick it out, plutonium and all. Then travel back in time and hit the author with a very very large hammer every time he comes within one hundred feet of a typing device.

Poem + Marriage + School + Meaning = Complete and Utter Failure

I felt like I was in
Love
With her and wanted to
Marry
Her.

Oh, darling, I love you
Too.

Your hair is so lovely
Lovely my ass.

Don't shout please
I wasn't shouting.

You're probaly the only reason I'm in New York right now
You're sweet.

How would you like to get the hell outta here?
You can't just do that
Why the hell not?

C'mon let's get outta here, you give me a royal pain in the ass. I'm sorry
You're sorry that's very funny.

I laughed.
I stuck around and appoligized for a while.
I left by myself.



To the average reader who wishes not to try to find any meaning in this. Here is the meaning.
... I think that Holden thinks marriags go something like what I Poemized about up there.
1. Lovey dovey.
2. Openly lovey dovey.
3. Doubting lovey dovey.
4. Argumentative lovey dovey.
5. Attempt to bring back the lovey dovey.
6. Stupid idea lovey dovey.
7. Slowly dieing lovey dovey.
8. Brutal death of the lovey dovey.

if you hadn't notced it before...1 stanza = one stage of the deterearation of the relationship...from Holden't point of view...I think.

...I Smell Dead People...

IT SAY...
...Goddam money. It always ends up making you blue as hell...

IT MEAN...
...Aside from the obvious interpretation of money being the root of all evil, much like the guy who is actually dead off the 6th sense, the blue money could be taken as Holden, being rich, has had money in his life so long and it has been so readily available that Holden has lost any love for it that he might once have had. Much like he's lost his love of the ever available girl of the time. He has a hooker in his room and he decides to talk...

IT MATTER (dark matter)...
...Holden is like a spoiled child (gee surprise there, a rich kid being spoiled? WHAT A SURPRISE!!!) A spoiled child. A spoiled child... A spoiled child...A soiled child...A boild child... A doiled child... A foiled child... yes, a spoiled child. Children that are spoiled tend to become bored of the mundane easily...the mundane being anything from happiness to normalcy. Which could explain why he smokes, drinks and does not have sex with a hooker (which would get this *ahem* wonderful book banned everywhere from sea to, oh so glittering, sea) Normal people who are in high school do NOT drink and usually DON'T smoke. (skiping over the hooker part because it isn't that widely adveratised now, is it?) Back to the begining of this gobbeldeygook. Holden is not happy. Thus he is tired of being happy and is, then sad... Voila!
Holden is constantly like this throughout the book, geting bored of things spazticly. That is what matter!!!
Dis me on THAT Mastermind!!!

controled chaos

I believe that Catcher in the Rye is a book. And I also believe that the book we are reading (which, convieniently, happens to be said Catcher in said Rye) is a book (clever, eh?) that has been over analyzed by teachers and the literate equivelant to fanatic followers of any clan or cult, and has been twisted about through the narrow openings and screen doors of America, soiling a half-way decent book like an old man soils his diapers.
The book of a boy with a possible mental illness (or maybe he's just a jerk) who has a tendency to fail at most everything and peeps at his neighbors in the hotel and likes to drink and smoke, has been put under a magnifying glass and is ready to burn if scrutinized any longer.
To you, oh noble followers of this magnificent blog (all 9 of you) I call for an ursurpation, an overthrow of the current literature demands...a form of controled chaos if you will, to insure that a travesty of this magnitude shall not transpire in these, our sacred halls, only slightly soiled by something something of something something else.
Arise my minions! Do my bidding!

grow up already

Holden is (supposedly) stuck between childhood and adulthood.

He acts like a child by asking pointless questions about ducks and winters, and trying to act old enough to drink and just settling for a pop. Tambien he just thinks of calling peoples.

He acts like an adult by...well...he doesn't act so much as an "adult" as a "spoiled teen with killer dance moves". He blows his money on people he says he doesn't like, peeps at the neighbors and calls up a complete stranger for the nasty-nasty (taken from Kyle XY--did they cancel that or do i watch the wrong channels?).

Relating to his childish side...I sure ask pointless ?'s all the time but i don't go out and try to drink. I don't try, I DO...well not really...but maybe...ish.

Can't say i relate to his spoiled teen side, but i so got his killer dance moves. you all saw me on that stage doin the swing, tearing up that floor. Back to his spoiled side, no relations there. don't do the peeping and ain't got the dough to spring for drinks...I don't tend to call up strangers for necking, don't got the digits :P...numbers anyone???

╘O╛ <---- IT'S A SPACE SHIP!!!!! WHOO--OOO

I think that when caufield was younger he was a nicer person. Because you don't see judgmental, emotionally steel people going around smashing glass windows with their fists because their brother died, just nice people that go emotionally crippled like the guy off of Deadspace Downfall, he was a nice guy up untill he went crazy and turned on the only people who could save the ship with a plasma chainsaw.
...And because he still carries his brothers baseball glove around with him after multiple expultions...
...

SYMPATHY!? W-T-F(udge)!?

Sympahy-Empahy-Judgemen.
(my "t" key is having real spaz problems...won' work well...)
_____for ease I, the almigh-y doug will be replacing every "t" wi-h a "-" because the said "t" key will no- fully compress -o allow a "-" -o appear on -he magical screen, so when you see a random "-" i- will be replacing the ex-remely annoying "-" key. _____

I feel no sympa-hy for Holden Cofield (coffield? cofeld?) he pu- himself in his predicimen- of abosolu-e judgemen- of o-hers and explu-ion from mul-iple schools and is geing wha- is comming -o him.
As for Empa-hy, I do feel wha- Holden is ge--ing a- wi-h his ins-an- judgmen-s of o-hers and obvioussly pessamis-ic ways...I, myself am a pesamis-. I see the glass as half empty...so does Caufield (I -hink i go- i- spelled be--er -hat -ime!) His views on people are all in a nega-ive ligh-. Ins-ead of seeing -he old guy as slowly healing, Caufield sees a depressing room -ha- smells like medicine occupied by an old man -ha- didn'- know his "ass from his elbow"... I would see some-hing similar as well.
And finally, judgmen-. in shor-....WE BO-H ARE EX-REMELY JUDGMEN-AL.